What even is self-care?
Let’s start by clearing something up—self-care is not indulgent and it is not selfish. Self-care is not just a facemask or painting your toenails (though that is nice). Self-care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's health—the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress. If we don’t take time to look after our wellbeing, how on earth can we be there to support and look after the people we love in our lives?
Self-care is akin to putting on our own oxygen mask before helping others, and the old adage ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ timelessly rings true for a reason. Often kind and giving individuals are amongst those who most need to actively practice self-care. It’s those that prioritise the needs of others above their own needs that may need to set boundaries and time to recharge their batteries so they can continue to show up as their best selves, both for themselves and others.
There are two main types of self-care; Physical and Mental. Examples of physical self-care might be exercise, diet, rest, and sleep. Examples of mental self-care would be boundaries, therapy, journaling or making time for friends.
In my own life, I have found it useful to impose some non-negotiables that help me maintain balance in my life. These habits ensure I continue to show up with energy and vitality to my partner, my family, and my job. What is interesting about these habits is it is often the things I don’t do that are as important as the things I do. Here are my personal set-in-stone self-care habits:
I exercise or stretch for 30 minutes each day. If I’m ill or on my period I will do some gentle yoga stretches, or if I’m feeling full of energy I’ll do some barre or HIIT.
I put a weekend at home in my calendar every month. This is scheduled in like an event. Before I did this I was finding myself constantly pulled in different directions with no time to just get on top of more ‘boring’ things that need doing, like housework or laundry, which in turn would stress me out. I’ll also relax during this time and allow myself to watch some films.
I catch up with a friend or family at least once a week. This might be on the phone or a lunch date. It sounds obvious but sometimes I was so caught up with work I wouldn’t allow myself this time with the people I care about. My relationships with others are so important to me and I am so lucky to have an amazing family and some fantastic friends.
I say no to events or things I don’t want to go to. This was so so tough for me. For so many years I would go along to everything I was invited to without thinking critically about how this would impact my free time or money—because essentially I’d feel guilty or bad about declining the offer. Classic people-pleasing behaviour. The key concept here is boundaries. I noticed I would become resentful about going to things I didn’t want to go to, and even more resentful when I’d go into my overdraft. Sometimes I’d even miss project deadlines because I felt unable to say no to badly timed social invitations. Now I say YES to social activities that I deeply care about and make my heart sing, and no to the ones that are a bit draining or that negatively impact my wellbeing, goals, finances or deadlines.
How to get started with self-care
The following self-care activities are taken from the Serenity & Solace self-care card deck, available here on my website. I compiled 52 self-care activities into a deck of cards to help myself and others take some time out for themselves and create rituals to transform our wellness.
Activity one - time to laugh
Benefits: stress reduction, pain relief, reduced blood pressure, body health
Laughter is so important and beneficial to our health and wellness. Laughing works your stomach muscles by causing them to expand and contract. It also works out your shoulders and exercises the diaphragm and heart. Studies on laughter have shown that it relieves stress and pain. Just watching something funny is a full body and mind workout! What we find to be funny is often very personal to us and our taste in humor. Whether it’s stand-up, slapstick, one-line jokes, spoofs, or even surreal comedy, there’s something out there for everyone. What do you find funny?
Spend some time today listening to a comedy podcast, video, programme or film. If nothing comes to mind immediately, find something you haven’t listened to or watched before, or ask a friend for recommendations!
Activity two - read a book
Benefits: stress relief, lowers blood pressure, improves brain function
Researchers have shown that as your reading ability matures, the networks in your brain also get stronger and more sophisticated. Reading fiction is also shown to improve your empathy and understanding of others. Reading is great stress relief - it lowers blood pressure, heart rate, and feelings of psychological distress just as effectively as Yoga and humour do.
To get these benefits, all you need to do is read for a minimum of 30 minutes today. You might choose a favourite book, or something you’ve been meaning to read for a while (we all have books like that!). Reading fiction can allow you to escape your own world and become swept up into new places and experiences. Non-fiction books can teach you new skills or information to enrich or improve your life.
Activity three - seated stretch
Benefits: stress relief, spine health, back/shoulder health
Many of us spend large amounts of our day seated, which can be really hard on our back, shoulders and neck. Taking 5 minutes to stretch and reset your spine at various points in the day can do your body the world of good and ward off those aches and pains.
Today set 2-3 alarms on your phone to help you stop and take a stretch. Inhale, interlink your hands and reach them overhead, with palms facing upwards. You can also stretch from side to side in this position. Lower your hands after a few breaths, and bring your left hand to hold on to the side of the chair, and the right hand to connect with the left ear. Gently stretch the neck here, looking in towards the right armpit. Repeat on the other side. Finally, sit forward on your chair and bring both hands to hold the back of the chair and stretch.